My Childhood, continued.

Getting back to where I left off, I'll back up a bit.

Prior to moving to Glendale for my 4th grade year, I remember being a very angry kid. I was pissed for being picked-on because I was overweight. I was pissed-off because I was picked on for my stuttering. I was pissed off due to my treatment as a white kid in an inner-city school. (Racism and racial hatred is NOT a strictly "white thing"). Moving to the suburb of Glendale made all the difference in the world, however some picking-on continued for a little while, until I realized my size made me bigger and stronger than the bullies. When I started kicking the shit out of the bullies, the ridicule mostly quit but the stuttering continued which even without being picked on still caused me to feel like an outsider; like something was wrong with me.

As a young kid I remember wondering why the asshole kids who made fun of others all seemed to be popular and had friends, when they were really such jerks? Why did the girls like those assholes? I thought "If I were ever popular, I wouldn't be an ass like them." or "Why do some kids enjoy making others feel bad?" or "If I could only talk fluently without it breaking-up, I'd never waste my words by picking on others."

Looking back as I can now, I see it was these early years which formed much of who I still am today. The isolation that comes with stuttering as I mentioned earlier caused me to be very introverted. I remember spending much of my early childhood by myself. I would entertain myself for hours playing with my Star Wars action figures or organizing my baseball cards. My speech made me extremely shy, almost anti-social. However, if stuttering had any effect which may be considered "positive", it would be that because I couldn't talk, I did a lot of thinking. Rather than concentrating on others and everything around me, I spent much of my time "in my head".

Another positive thing I can say stuttering has caused is the fact that I'm forced to choose each and every word I say very carefully. I'm having to think ahead very rapidly, of what I'm going to say, and choose the words to use that I can say without trouble, all as the same time as I'm saying what I thought several seconds ago. It's quite literally like my mouth is on a several second delay behind where my mind is. Now, I don't claim to have a very extensive vocabulary, nor do I think I'm any better than the next person at being a good communicator. But, where I do believe the speech problem serves me well is in that I always think before I talk. During my life experiences, I've witnessed and known countless situations and people who would have benefited greatly if this trait were in use.

Some of the details of the sequence of these next events are somewhat of a blur, but it was during my 4th and 5th grade years in Glendale at Parkway Elementary School that I began to enjoy playing kick-ball (which I really enjoyed because I was good at it), softball (same thing) and riding my dirt bike around the neighborhood with friends. I also got my first job at this point. I went to work for Kallas Honey Farm, which was located at the corner of our block. I labeled empty honey jars for between 7 cents and 12 cents a case (this was 1982) for a few hours each day after school. I also created a several mile bike route I'd ride through the area checking dumpsters and trashcans for aluminum cans to recycle. With my hard-earned money I'd buy new parts for my bike, more baseball cards, or just have money in my pocket for when we'd hang out at the mall (Bayshore Mall).

Sixth grade began with the move into Glen Hills Middle School. It was a few miles further from home, but still well within walking or bike-riding distance when I missed the bus. I can't really put my finger on why it happened or what caused such a major change, but my middle school years were filled with lots and lots of trouble.

To Be Continued...

My Childhood

To those who have been following this blog site, I say "Hello" to you all.

I've decided to change the nature of this blog site and it's content and present more information about me. I'll do this over the course of the next several updates, beginning with my youth and eventually leading to the events which brought me to prison, what my prison sentence has been like and my current preparations for my upcoming release this year.

I was born in Milwaukee Wisconsin in July of 1971 to Charles John Mondroski of Mercer, WI and Janice Lynn Olheiser of Shorewood, WI.

My earliest memories are of having to change schools often in my early years due to our family moving around alot during that time. I do remember the difficult time I had while going to a public school in the "inner city" of Milwaukee. I was an overweight white kid who stuttered in a predominantly black school. Over 30 years later I still remember what those rough times were like, so my concern really goes out to all the kids who are trapped in similar situations in today's inner-city schools. Thank God we eventually moved from that situation, lived in Huntville, Alabama for my 3rd grade school year, then came back to Wisconsin and settled in Glendale; a nice suburb of Milwaukee.

My sister and I went to Parkway Elementary then on to Glen Hills Middle Schools. What I remember about my 4th and 5th grade years at Parkway was I played alot and was very good at kickball. Because of my size, I was always picked first for kickball, but my size also led to being picked-on until I started fighting back.

It was at these schools where I was fortunate to have access to some good speech therapy for my stuttering, although the speech fluency I'm blessed to have now didn't come until many, many years later. I bring up my stuttering early on in this biography not for sympathy, but because as I've grown up, I see how very much it affected my growing up and how much it influenced who I am today. I wonder sometimes how different my school years would have been had I not been scared to death to stand up in class and talk. How different my interactions with my peers would have been if I could have strung more than 3 or 4 words in a row together before my speech broke up.

My not being able to speak fluently as a child (and being ridiculed because of it) greatly influenced me into being extremely quiet, shy and introverted which remains to this day. However, it also led to some beneficial character traits that I'm grateful for...which I will share next time.

--Chris

January 2nd, 2012

I love my daughter.

I am grateful she accepts my apology; it gives me hope for our future. It meant a great deal to me to "hear" her say that she still loves me. Considering all I ruined, my fear of losing her love for me has been my biggest fear of all.

I'm sorry beyond words for what I did that caused us to be separated, but I hope she knows that I never, ever gave her up in my heart and mind. Anyone who says otherwise is simply not telling the truth.

My mistakes were 10 years ago. I am not that person anymore. Heavenly Father has quite literally given me a second chance at my life and it was his Words of Wisdom I broke. I hope to use this second chance to earn her forgiveness and a second chance in her life.

I know she's upset with me; she's got every right to be. I messed up everything. I hope she knows I would do or give anything to change that. I pray that someday I can. However, there is nothing to "fear"; if she still doesn't want me in her life, I'll respect that.

I hope to get a B.O.M. I wish the missionaries would send me one. Our chaplain's seem to be unable or unwilling to get me one. There are plenty of Qurans to go around, but no B.O.M.'s.

I know she'll keep up the good work in her schoolwork, music, sports and her church activities. She's always made me proud to be her dad. I hope she's enjoying her junior year and that she and her mom had a great Holiday Season. I think of her always, miss her so very much and I love her unconditionally.

Forever Her Dad

Happy Birthday

I want to wish a happy birthday to a very special person.

Someone who was my very best friend. Someone who I never wanted to say goodbye to. Someone who was always on my mind whenever we were apart. Someone who was the prettiest girl I had ever seen, only matched by a beautiful little baby girl who was born a few years later.

Someone who was my soul-mate; brought into my life by the spirit of the Lord; until I ruined it.

Someone who so completely changed my life by her coming into it. Bringing more love, happiness, joy, affection, laughter, beauty, motivation, determination, meaning and purpose into my life than I have ever known. Someone who did for me the greatest service one person can do for another, by holding my hand as she introduced me to a life immersed in the spirit of the Lord, righteous living, and the blessings which come from it. Someone who I knelt across an alter from, in the house of the Lord, and made eternal promises to. Only for me to foolishly, selfishly, irresponsibly break years later.

Someone who gave me the greatest, most important, inspiring gift I could ever be given; the birth of a precious, blue-eyed, little baby girl. Somebody who loved me, supported me, believed in me, respected me and kept faith in me, until my selfish decisions and sins made it impossible to continue to do so. I'm sorry for the many nights you both waited up for me to come home; I'm even more sorry for all the many nights I didn't. I'm so sorry for letting you both down, for destroying your trust and taking your love for granted. I'm deeply sorry for all the pain, tears, anguish, heartache and suffering I've caused.

For all I've put you through since I strayed from our promises: I'm so sorry for ruining everything.

I wish you a happy birthday, and pray your days are happy; you deserve to be.

9/1/11

If I could, I would share just a quick message to my favorite girl as she starts a new school year.

I hope she had a great 16th birthday!
I know with turning 16 comes driving, and I'm sure she's excited about that, I know I was at that age.

I know she's a very smart and responsible girl, and that her mom has no doubt done a fine job in helping her become a safe, smart driver. I wish I could tell her to please always remember that no matter how good a driver you are, never forget to always watch out for the other car, who isn't a good driver. They are the dangerous ones.

I believe that saying your prayers on a regular basis is a really good defense against what dangers life can throw at you, and your Father in Heaven is always there to listen and to help when you're in need of someone to talk to. I hope she has a strong relationship with Him and if not, it's never too late to start.

If I could I'd wish her good luck with her junior year of high school. I'd tell her to keep up the great work at school, her sports, her music and everything else. I'd let her know that she is always on my mind, in my heart and in my prayers. I love and miss her so much.

I know my word probably doesn't mean much anymore, and I deserve that, but I hope she knows how sorry I am to her and her mom as well for what all I did and caused for them both. I am so deeply sorry and hope for their forgiveness.

I long to make up to her for what I've done and all I owe her.

I wish I could tell her "Keep smiling, Sweetheart, you brighten everything and everyone around you with your smile. Take care, Princess, your Dad loves you! Have a great year!"

Your Dad

Happy Birthday!

I want to wish a very special girl a big Happy 16th Birthday from her dad and my family, who all love and miss her so much.

I know today is such an exciting and happy day for her, and I hope she has a great day.

I wish I could share this day with her and am so very sorry that I can't. I hope she always remembers that she stays forever in my thoughts, my prayers and in my heart.

I hope she got lots of cool gifts and got to have lots of friends over.

I long to be in her life again someday, and am doing all I can to achieve that.

I wish I could tell her that "I love and miss you so much Sweetheart."

Happy Sweet 16th Birthday Honey

Love,
Your Dad

Update June 17, 2011

I was recently brought up for parole review and denied again. Not for any type of misbehavior on my part since I've been locked up, quite to the contrary. What I've done for myself since I've been in would have earned me parole in most other states. I was denied parole first and foremost due to the nature and circumstances of what I did.

I take full responsibility for my crime (arson). It was a terribly stupid, irresponsible, dangerous thing to do and I thank God the results were not much worse. I will always remind myself of that, long after my sentence is complete.

To a much lesser extent, but still a very strong contributing factor to my being denied parole, as well as thousands of other inmates who are denied parole each month in Texas, is the fact that Texas is Prison-Industry State. In other words - Big Business, which means big financial reasons to keep its 100+ prison units full. Combine that fact with Texas being the leader of the south's "retributive" outlook on criminal justice as opposed to the north's "rehabilitative" outlook and you'll see why Texas is in the situation it's in. Massive prison overcrowding, the state going broke paying for it, and thousands of inmates who would be released in other states yet are stuck as financial burdens on the Texas taxpayers by the unchecked, unregulated, unsupervised parole commission who answer to only the governor of Texas. Not to the citizens of Texas, who pay the bills and wait for their loved ones.

During this parole review process I learned that my ex-wife (who was not involved in any way in the crime for which I'm serving time) wrote the parole board to protest my release. She claimed I was posting on the internet threats of kidnapping my daughter upon my release. She can only be talking about this blog site, and as anyone can see for themselves, I haven't threatened anyone. She said she and my daughter both fear for their safety, and don't want me released. I imagine she thought her protest would be confidential.

In a previous posting, I explained how my ex-wife's focus is centered on trying to present me to everyone, especially my daughter, as a terrible threat, and how important it is for her to protect and "save" my daughter from me. This martyr role she creates is a learned behavior she grew up watching, which she thinks will bring her the sympathy, attention and drama she craves. She presented the same behavior in court when my parental rights were taken away. She claimed under oath that I threatened to kidnap my daughter and flee to Mexico! What probably happened was her lawyer told her they needed to portray me as a real threat, so she created this kidnapping idea and continues to use it.

I was sure hoping to be released this summer, so I can finally get back to my life, but for whatever reason, it must wait another year. I will then have only a few months left of my sentence and I'll walk out a completely free man. Considering I have an ex-wife inclined to making false accusations about me and who is hell-bent on trying to keep me locked up, it's probably to my advantage to finish my sentence. Then I won't be vulnerable to a malicious phone call to a parole officer that would cause my parole to be revoked. It's better to not provide her that opportunity. So, I will continue to make myself a better, smarter, stronger person by learning more skills that I can add to the services I'll offer when I reopen my automotive business upon my release.

I am not and have not ever threatened anyone with anything. I would reiterate in more detail but I gave my word to the girl I love more than anything in this world that I would "leave things alone" and I intend to never again let her down.

I hope by sharing this clear example of exaggerated paranoia others will keep more of an open mind about me and recognize they have been presented a distorted and inaccurate picture of me and are being manipulated.