03/15/11

If I could I would let my daughter know that, no matter what:

1. I still love her more than words can say and always will.
2. I miss her so much and I think about her every day.
3. I am so terribly sorry for all the heartache I’ve caused her.
4. I will do anything and everything I possibly can to try to make up to her for all the suffering I’ve caused her.
5. I pray that she remembers enough of our life together that she might be willing to let me earn the chance to be in her life again someday.

My daughter is being kept away from me under the guise of “protection”, when in reality there is no father on earth who loves their daughter more or who will go the lengths to really protect their daughter as I would. I’m not someone she needs to fear. I hope she is able to put aside all the disparaging things that are continually told about me and remember back to our life together, how close we were, our feelings for each other; then I believe she too will know she doesn’t need “protection” from me.

Shortly after my incarceration began, I received a letter from my ex-wife telling me I should “forget about” my daughter. She said she would no longer allow any contact between me and my daughter. Two years later, while still incarcerated, she brought me back to court. She and my ex-mother-in-law both took the stand to testify that “no” I did not deserve to be in my daughter’s life. Due to my vulnerability of being locked up, all my parental rights to her were terminated: not because of anything I did to her directly. She also saw to it that my daughter was not in court so we were denied the chance to say goodbye. Two years after that I tried to send my daughter a card for her graduation from Jr. High School. In response, my ex-wife contacted the prison system and made it so I can no longer write directly to my daughter. She also arranged so that any would-be letters to me from my daughter would be denied and returned. In other words my daughter couldn’t write me if she wanted to.

I imagine there continues to be an effort to not only keep me and my daughter apart, but to completely turn her feelings against me. I pray they have not and do not succeed. I cannot and will not simply “forget about” someone I love. Most certainly not my daughter, whom I love with my whole heart.

My daughter has every right to be upset with me. I would not blame her a bit for any unpleasant feelings she may feel toward me. I deserve every bit for how much I’ve let her down and the suffering I’ve caused her by being away. I’m so very sorry. I pray for her forgiveness, as well as the chance to be in her life again.

Whatever she wants, whatever her feelings are, I will respect and accommodate them.
If she wants me out of her life for good, as difficult as it would be to accept, I would respect her wishes.
If she wants me to “hurry-up and get my life together” so I can be in her life again, I’d tell her “Well, hang in there Sweetheart, I’m coming.”

Because we are being kept apart, I’m glad to have the opportunity to express my feelings for her, so there is no question; I love my daughter more than anything and I just want to be in her life again.

“Forever, Your Dad”