Prior to moving to Glendale for my 4th grade year, I remember being a very angry kid. I was pissed for being picked-on because I was overweight. I was pissed-off because I was picked on for my stuttering. I was pissed off due to my treatment as a white kid in an inner-city school. (Racism and racial hatred is NOT a strictly "white thing"). Moving to the suburb of Glendale made all the difference in the world, however some picking-on continued for a little while, until I realized my size made me bigger and stronger than the bullies. When I started kicking the shit out of the bullies, the ridicule mostly quit but the stuttering continued which even without being picked on still caused me to feel like an outsider; like something was wrong with me.
As a young kid I remember wondering why the asshole kids who made fun of others all seemed to be popular and had friends, when they were really such jerks? Why did the girls like those assholes? I thought "If I were ever popular, I wouldn't be an ass like them." or "Why do some kids enjoy making others feel bad?" or "If I could only talk fluently without it breaking-up, I'd never waste my words by picking on others."
Looking back as I can now, I see it was these early years which formed much of who I still am today. The isolation that comes with stuttering as I mentioned earlier caused me to be very introverted. I remember spending much of my early childhood by myself. I would entertain myself for hours playing with my Star Wars action figures or organizing my baseball cards. My speech made me extremely shy, almost anti-social. However, if stuttering had any effect which may be considered "positive", it would be that because I couldn't talk, I did a lot of thinking. Rather than concentrating on others and everything around me, I spent much of my time "in my head".
Another positive thing I can say stuttering has caused is the fact that I'm forced to choose each and every word I say very carefully. I'm having to think ahead very rapidly, of what I'm going to say, and choose the words to use that I can say without trouble, all as the same time as I'm saying what I thought several seconds ago. It's quite literally like my mouth is on a several second delay behind where my mind is. Now, I don't claim to have a very extensive vocabulary, nor do I think I'm any better than the next person at being a good communicator. But, where I do believe the speech problem serves me well is in that I always think before I talk. During my life experiences, I've witnessed and known countless situations and people who would have benefited greatly if this trait were in use.
Some of the details of the sequence of these next events are somewhat of a blur, but it was during my 4th and 5th grade years in Glendale at Parkway Elementary School that I began to enjoy playing kick-ball (which I really enjoyed because I was good at it), softball (same thing) and riding my dirt bike around the neighborhood with friends. I also got my first job at this point. I went to work for Kallas Honey Farm, which was located at the corner of our block. I labeled empty honey jars for between 7 cents and 12 cents a case (this was 1982) for a few hours each day after school. I also created a several mile bike route I'd ride through the area checking dumpsters and trashcans for aluminum cans to recycle. With my hard-earned money I'd buy new parts for my bike, more baseball cards, or just have money in my pocket for when we'd hang out at the mall (Bayshore Mall).
Sixth grade began with the move into Glen Hills Middle School. It was a few miles further from home, but still well within walking or bike-riding distance when I missed the bus. I can't really put my finger on why it happened or what caused such a major change, but my middle school years were filled with lots and lots of trouble.
To Be Continued...
