I want to wish a happy birthday to a very special person.
Someone who was my very best friend. Someone who I never wanted to say goodbye to. Someone who was always on my mind whenever we were apart. Someone who was the prettiest girl I had ever seen, only matched by a beautiful little baby girl who was born a few years later.
Someone who was my soul-mate; brought into my life by the spirit of the Lord; until I ruined it.
Someone who so completely changed my life by her coming into it. Bringing more love, happiness, joy, affection, laughter, beauty, motivation, determination, meaning and purpose into my life than I have ever known. Someone who did for me the greatest service one person can do for another, by holding my hand as she introduced me to a life immersed in the spirit of the Lord, righteous living, and the blessings which come from it. Someone who I knelt across an alter from, in the house of the Lord, and made eternal promises to. Only for me to foolishly, selfishly, irresponsibly break years later.
Someone who gave me the greatest, most important, inspiring gift I could ever be given; the birth of a precious, blue-eyed, little baby girl. Somebody who loved me, supported me, believed in me, respected me and kept faith in me, until my selfish decisions and sins made it impossible to continue to do so. I'm sorry for the many nights you both waited up for me to come home; I'm even more sorry for all the many nights I didn't. I'm so sorry for letting you both down, for destroying your trust and taking your love for granted. I'm deeply sorry for all the pain, tears, anguish, heartache and suffering I've caused.
For all I've put you through since I strayed from our promises: I'm so sorry for ruining everything.
I wish you a happy birthday, and pray your days are happy; you deserve to be.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
9/1/11
If I could, I would share just a quick message to my favorite girl as she starts a new school year.
I hope she had a great 16th birthday!
I know with turning 16 comes driving, and I'm sure she's excited about that, I know I was at that age.
I know she's a very smart and responsible girl, and that her mom has no doubt done a fine job in helping her become a safe, smart driver. I wish I could tell her to please always remember that no matter how good a driver you are, never forget to always watch out for the other car, who isn't a good driver. They are the dangerous ones.
I believe that saying your prayers on a regular basis is a really good defense against what dangers life can throw at you, and your Father in Heaven is always there to listen and to help when you're in need of someone to talk to. I hope she has a strong relationship with Him and if not, it's never too late to start.
If I could I'd wish her good luck with her junior year of high school. I'd tell her to keep up the great work at school, her sports, her music and everything else. I'd let her know that she is always on my mind, in my heart and in my prayers. I love and miss her so much.
I know my word probably doesn't mean much anymore, and I deserve that, but I hope she knows how sorry I am to her and her mom as well for what all I did and caused for them both. I am so deeply sorry and hope for their forgiveness.
I long to make up to her for what I've done and all I owe her.
I wish I could tell her "Keep smiling, Sweetheart, you brighten everything and everyone around you with your smile. Take care, Princess, your Dad loves you! Have a great year!"
Your Dad
I hope she had a great 16th birthday!
I know with turning 16 comes driving, and I'm sure she's excited about that, I know I was at that age.
I know she's a very smart and responsible girl, and that her mom has no doubt done a fine job in helping her become a safe, smart driver. I wish I could tell her to please always remember that no matter how good a driver you are, never forget to always watch out for the other car, who isn't a good driver. They are the dangerous ones.
I believe that saying your prayers on a regular basis is a really good defense against what dangers life can throw at you, and your Father in Heaven is always there to listen and to help when you're in need of someone to talk to. I hope she has a strong relationship with Him and if not, it's never too late to start.
If I could I'd wish her good luck with her junior year of high school. I'd tell her to keep up the great work at school, her sports, her music and everything else. I'd let her know that she is always on my mind, in my heart and in my prayers. I love and miss her so much.
I know my word probably doesn't mean much anymore, and I deserve that, but I hope she knows how sorry I am to her and her mom as well for what all I did and caused for them both. I am so deeply sorry and hope for their forgiveness.
I long to make up to her for what I've done and all I owe her.
I wish I could tell her "Keep smiling, Sweetheart, you brighten everything and everyone around you with your smile. Take care, Princess, your Dad loves you! Have a great year!"
Your Dad
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Happy Birthday!
I want to wish a very special girl a big Happy 16th Birthday from her dad and my family, who all love and miss her so much.
I know today is such an exciting and happy day for her, and I hope she has a great day.
I wish I could share this day with her and am so very sorry that I can't. I hope she always remembers that she stays forever in my thoughts, my prayers and in my heart.
I hope she got lots of cool gifts and got to have lots of friends over.
I long to be in her life again someday, and am doing all I can to achieve that.
I wish I could tell her that "I love and miss you so much Sweetheart."
Happy Sweet 16th Birthday Honey
Love,
Your Dad
I know today is such an exciting and happy day for her, and I hope she has a great day.
I wish I could share this day with her and am so very sorry that I can't. I hope she always remembers that she stays forever in my thoughts, my prayers and in my heart.
I hope she got lots of cool gifts and got to have lots of friends over.
I long to be in her life again someday, and am doing all I can to achieve that.
I wish I could tell her that "I love and miss you so much Sweetheart."
Happy Sweet 16th Birthday Honey
Love,
Your Dad
Friday, June 17, 2011
Update June 17, 2011
I was recently brought up for parole review and denied again. Not for any type of misbehavior on my part since I've been locked up, quite to the contrary. What I've done for myself since I've been in would have earned me parole in most other states. I was denied parole first and foremost due to the nature and circumstances of what I did.
I take full responsibility for my crime (arson). It was a terribly stupid, irresponsible, dangerous thing to do and I thank God the results were not much worse. I will always remind myself of that, long after my sentence is complete.
To a much lesser extent, but still a very strong contributing factor to my being denied parole, as well as thousands of other inmates who are denied parole each month in Texas, is the fact that Texas is Prison-Industry State. In other words - Big Business, which means big financial reasons to keep its 100+ prison units full. Combine that fact with Texas being the leader of the south's "retributive" outlook on criminal justice as opposed to the north's "rehabilitative" outlook and you'll see why Texas is in the situation it's in. Massive prison overcrowding, the state going broke paying for it, and thousands of inmates who would be released in other states yet are stuck as financial burdens on the Texas taxpayers by the unchecked, unregulated, unsupervised parole commission who answer to only the governor of Texas. Not to the citizens of Texas, who pay the bills and wait for their loved ones.
During this parole review process I learned that my ex-wife (who was not involved in any way in the crime for which I'm serving time) wrote the parole board to protest my release. She claimed I was posting on the internet threats of kidnapping my daughter upon my release. She can only be talking about this blog site, and as anyone can see for themselves, I haven't threatened anyone. She said she and my daughter both fear for their safety, and don't want me released. I imagine she thought her protest would be confidential.
In a previous posting, I explained how my ex-wife's focus is centered on trying to present me to everyone, especially my daughter, as a terrible threat, and how important it is for her to protect and "save" my daughter from me. This martyr role she creates is a learned behavior she grew up watching, which she thinks will bring her the sympathy, attention and drama she craves. She presented the same behavior in court when my parental rights were taken away. She claimed under oath that I threatened to kidnap my daughter and flee to Mexico! What probably happened was her lawyer told her they needed to portray me as a real threat, so she created this kidnapping idea and continues to use it.
I was sure hoping to be released this summer, so I can finally get back to my life, but for whatever reason, it must wait another year. I will then have only a few months left of my sentence and I'll walk out a completely free man. Considering I have an ex-wife inclined to making false accusations about me and who is hell-bent on trying to keep me locked up, it's probably to my advantage to finish my sentence. Then I won't be vulnerable to a malicious phone call to a parole officer that would cause my parole to be revoked. It's better to not provide her that opportunity. So, I will continue to make myself a better, smarter, stronger person by learning more skills that I can add to the services I'll offer when I reopen my automotive business upon my release.
I am not and have not ever threatened anyone with anything. I would reiterate in more detail but I gave my word to the girl I love more than anything in this world that I would "leave things alone" and I intend to never again let her down.
I hope by sharing this clear example of exaggerated paranoia others will keep more of an open mind about me and recognize they have been presented a distorted and inaccurate picture of me and are being manipulated.
I take full responsibility for my crime (arson). It was a terribly stupid, irresponsible, dangerous thing to do and I thank God the results were not much worse. I will always remind myself of that, long after my sentence is complete.
To a much lesser extent, but still a very strong contributing factor to my being denied parole, as well as thousands of other inmates who are denied parole each month in Texas, is the fact that Texas is Prison-Industry State. In other words - Big Business, which means big financial reasons to keep its 100+ prison units full. Combine that fact with Texas being the leader of the south's "retributive" outlook on criminal justice as opposed to the north's "rehabilitative" outlook and you'll see why Texas is in the situation it's in. Massive prison overcrowding, the state going broke paying for it, and thousands of inmates who would be released in other states yet are stuck as financial burdens on the Texas taxpayers by the unchecked, unregulated, unsupervised parole commission who answer to only the governor of Texas. Not to the citizens of Texas, who pay the bills and wait for their loved ones.
During this parole review process I learned that my ex-wife (who was not involved in any way in the crime for which I'm serving time) wrote the parole board to protest my release. She claimed I was posting on the internet threats of kidnapping my daughter upon my release. She can only be talking about this blog site, and as anyone can see for themselves, I haven't threatened anyone. She said she and my daughter both fear for their safety, and don't want me released. I imagine she thought her protest would be confidential.
In a previous posting, I explained how my ex-wife's focus is centered on trying to present me to everyone, especially my daughter, as a terrible threat, and how important it is for her to protect and "save" my daughter from me. This martyr role she creates is a learned behavior she grew up watching, which she thinks will bring her the sympathy, attention and drama she craves. She presented the same behavior in court when my parental rights were taken away. She claimed under oath that I threatened to kidnap my daughter and flee to Mexico! What probably happened was her lawyer told her they needed to portray me as a real threat, so she created this kidnapping idea and continues to use it.
I was sure hoping to be released this summer, so I can finally get back to my life, but for whatever reason, it must wait another year. I will then have only a few months left of my sentence and I'll walk out a completely free man. Considering I have an ex-wife inclined to making false accusations about me and who is hell-bent on trying to keep me locked up, it's probably to my advantage to finish my sentence. Then I won't be vulnerable to a malicious phone call to a parole officer that would cause my parole to be revoked. It's better to not provide her that opportunity. So, I will continue to make myself a better, smarter, stronger person by learning more skills that I can add to the services I'll offer when I reopen my automotive business upon my release.
I am not and have not ever threatened anyone with anything. I would reiterate in more detail but I gave my word to the girl I love more than anything in this world that I would "leave things alone" and I intend to never again let her down.
I hope by sharing this clear example of exaggerated paranoia others will keep more of an open mind about me and recognize they have been presented a distorted and inaccurate picture of me and are being manipulated.
Monday, April 25, 2011
4-25-11
I am so very sorry for everything.
I wish she could see, since our contact stopped so abruptly, and so much has happened since then, I just had to put it out into the world how I felt about her, as well as my wishing to know her feelings for me. I'm so very sorry for ever causing her to feel anything but happiness, but I don't blame her. I deserve it for what all I've put her through and have done. I will respect her wishes of leaving her alone, if that is what she wants.
If I could tell her, I would just want her to please know and remember this:
I still do and always will unconditionally love her more than anything.
She has my promise of that to her in writing. I have been and will forever continue to do everything in my ability to become once again a person and father who she would want in her life, and who she can love again. I will do whatever it takes for the chance at her love and forgiveness: even if it means I must leave her alone while I get there. No matter what happens, or how long it takes, I will always be thinking of her and working toward becoming worthy of being in her life again.
I built my own success 20 years ago and I am even more determined for success now than I was then. I'll have success again and this time I won't blow it. I hope she can please keep an open mind toward the possibility of forgiving me because I won't cause her to regret it.
She is always in my heart and always invited into my life if and when she chooses.
If I could, I would tell her to please say her prayers and I hope she has a strong personal relationship with her Father in Heaven; that's so important. If I could, I'd tell her to "Take care of yourself and keep smiling: You're such a beautiful girl. I love you and this is not goodbye."
Love, Dad
I wish she could see, since our contact stopped so abruptly, and so much has happened since then, I just had to put it out into the world how I felt about her, as well as my wishing to know her feelings for me. I'm so very sorry for ever causing her to feel anything but happiness, but I don't blame her. I deserve it for what all I've put her through and have done. I will respect her wishes of leaving her alone, if that is what she wants.
If I could tell her, I would just want her to please know and remember this:
I still do and always will unconditionally love her more than anything.
She has my promise of that to her in writing. I have been and will forever continue to do everything in my ability to become once again a person and father who she would want in her life, and who she can love again. I will do whatever it takes for the chance at her love and forgiveness: even if it means I must leave her alone while I get there. No matter what happens, or how long it takes, I will always be thinking of her and working toward becoming worthy of being in her life again.
I built my own success 20 years ago and I am even more determined for success now than I was then. I'll have success again and this time I won't blow it. I hope she can please keep an open mind toward the possibility of forgiving me because I won't cause her to regret it.
She is always in my heart and always invited into my life if and when she chooses.
If I could, I would tell her to please say her prayers and I hope she has a strong personal relationship with her Father in Heaven; that's so important. If I could, I'd tell her to "Take care of yourself and keep smiling: You're such a beautiful girl. I love you and this is not goodbye."
Love, Dad
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
03/15/11
If I could I would let my daughter know that, no matter what:
1. I still love her more than words can say and always will.
2. I miss her so much and I think about her every day.
3. I am so terribly sorry for all the heartache I’ve caused her.
4. I will do anything and everything I possibly can to try to make up to her for all the suffering I’ve caused her.
5. I pray that she remembers enough of our life together that she might be willing to let me earn the chance to be in her life again someday.
My daughter is being kept away from me under the guise of “protection”, when in reality there is no father on earth who loves their daughter more or who will go the lengths to really protect their daughter as I would. I’m not someone she needs to fear. I hope she is able to put aside all the disparaging things that are continually told about me and remember back to our life together, how close we were, our feelings for each other; then I believe she too will know she doesn’t need “protection” from me.
Shortly after my incarceration began, I received a letter from my ex-wife telling me I should “forget about” my daughter. She said she would no longer allow any contact between me and my daughter. Two years later, while still incarcerated, she brought me back to court. She and my ex-mother-in-law both took the stand to testify that “no” I did not deserve to be in my daughter’s life. Due to my vulnerability of being locked up, all my parental rights to her were terminated: not because of anything I did to her directly. She also saw to it that my daughter was not in court so we were denied the chance to say goodbye. Two years after that I tried to send my daughter a card for her graduation from Jr. High School. In response, my ex-wife contacted the prison system and made it so I can no longer write directly to my daughter. She also arranged so that any would-be letters to me from my daughter would be denied and returned. In other words my daughter couldn’t write me if she wanted to.
I imagine there continues to be an effort to not only keep me and my daughter apart, but to completely turn her feelings against me. I pray they have not and do not succeed. I cannot and will not simply “forget about” someone I love. Most certainly not my daughter, whom I love with my whole heart.
My daughter has every right to be upset with me. I would not blame her a bit for any unpleasant feelings she may feel toward me. I deserve every bit for how much I’ve let her down and the suffering I’ve caused her by being away. I’m so very sorry. I pray for her forgiveness, as well as the chance to be in her life again.
Whatever she wants, whatever her feelings are, I will respect and accommodate them.
If she wants me out of her life for good, as difficult as it would be to accept, I would respect her wishes.
If she wants me to “hurry-up and get my life together” so I can be in her life again, I’d tell her “Well, hang in there Sweetheart, I’m coming.”
Because we are being kept apart, I’m glad to have the opportunity to express my feelings for her, so there is no question; I love my daughter more than anything and I just want to be in her life again.
“Forever, Your Dad”
1. I still love her more than words can say and always will.
2. I miss her so much and I think about her every day.
3. I am so terribly sorry for all the heartache I’ve caused her.
4. I will do anything and everything I possibly can to try to make up to her for all the suffering I’ve caused her.
5. I pray that she remembers enough of our life together that she might be willing to let me earn the chance to be in her life again someday.
My daughter is being kept away from me under the guise of “protection”, when in reality there is no father on earth who loves their daughter more or who will go the lengths to really protect their daughter as I would. I’m not someone she needs to fear. I hope she is able to put aside all the disparaging things that are continually told about me and remember back to our life together, how close we were, our feelings for each other; then I believe she too will know she doesn’t need “protection” from me.
Shortly after my incarceration began, I received a letter from my ex-wife telling me I should “forget about” my daughter. She said she would no longer allow any contact between me and my daughter. Two years later, while still incarcerated, she brought me back to court. She and my ex-mother-in-law both took the stand to testify that “no” I did not deserve to be in my daughter’s life. Due to my vulnerability of being locked up, all my parental rights to her were terminated: not because of anything I did to her directly. She also saw to it that my daughter was not in court so we were denied the chance to say goodbye. Two years after that I tried to send my daughter a card for her graduation from Jr. High School. In response, my ex-wife contacted the prison system and made it so I can no longer write directly to my daughter. She also arranged so that any would-be letters to me from my daughter would be denied and returned. In other words my daughter couldn’t write me if she wanted to.
I imagine there continues to be an effort to not only keep me and my daughter apart, but to completely turn her feelings against me. I pray they have not and do not succeed. I cannot and will not simply “forget about” someone I love. Most certainly not my daughter, whom I love with my whole heart.
My daughter has every right to be upset with me. I would not blame her a bit for any unpleasant feelings she may feel toward me. I deserve every bit for how much I’ve let her down and the suffering I’ve caused her by being away. I’m so very sorry. I pray for her forgiveness, as well as the chance to be in her life again.
Whatever she wants, whatever her feelings are, I will respect and accommodate them.
If she wants me out of her life for good, as difficult as it would be to accept, I would respect her wishes.
If she wants me to “hurry-up and get my life together” so I can be in her life again, I’d tell her “Well, hang in there Sweetheart, I’m coming.”
Because we are being kept apart, I’m glad to have the opportunity to express my feelings for her, so there is no question; I love my daughter more than anything and I just want to be in her life again.
“Forever, Your Dad”
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
2-7-11
If I could talk to my daughter, I would tell her that I love her dearly and miss her more than words can say. I'm always thinking about her, and I love her and I hope she had a great Holiday Season.
I'm so very sorry to her that I'm not there for her. I would hope that she please knew I'm doing everything in my power to get myself to where I can be in her life again, as soon as I possibly can. In the meantime, I would tell her to hang in there.
I know high school isn't always easy, and isn't always fun, but I would tell her to try not to let it get to her. The bad or tough stuff is something we all face during high school. I would remind her that a very very smart 7 year old little girl told me once, when I asked her how she handles the tough stuff, she told me "Ah, I just don't think about it." Then, when I asked her how she got so strong, she though for a moment and said "We're doing pull-ups in gym class!" That was a very wise little girl. Now she's an extremely smart, very beautiful young woman who can do and achieve anything her heart desires.
I would tell her to keep up the good work, remember to say her prayers and even if others around her are sour, to not let them affect her sweet spirit. If I could, I would tell her to "Hang in there Sweetheart, it will all be ok. Please always remember your dad loves you very much, and always will." And as long as she'll let me, I'll be coming to be in her life again someday soon and all my effort will be to make right all in her life I've caused to be wrong.
I would tell her "I love you forever, Your Dad"
I'm so very sorry to her that I'm not there for her. I would hope that she please knew I'm doing everything in my power to get myself to where I can be in her life again, as soon as I possibly can. In the meantime, I would tell her to hang in there.
I know high school isn't always easy, and isn't always fun, but I would tell her to try not to let it get to her. The bad or tough stuff is something we all face during high school. I would remind her that a very very smart 7 year old little girl told me once, when I asked her how she handles the tough stuff, she told me "Ah, I just don't think about it." Then, when I asked her how she got so strong, she though for a moment and said "We're doing pull-ups in gym class!" That was a very wise little girl. Now she's an extremely smart, very beautiful young woman who can do and achieve anything her heart desires.
I would tell her to keep up the good work, remember to say her prayers and even if others around her are sour, to not let them affect her sweet spirit. If I could, I would tell her to "Hang in there Sweetheart, it will all be ok. Please always remember your dad loves you very much, and always will." And as long as she'll let me, I'll be coming to be in her life again someday soon and all my effort will be to make right all in her life I've caused to be wrong.
I would tell her "I love you forever, Your Dad"
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